The Cult of SLAGATHOR

The Cult of SLAGATHOR is a neo-religion followed by a great number of Moose Legionnaires, and many believe it to have been founded by the Triumvirate of UltraMaud, HyperMoses, and Henry the Teleporter.

The holy texts of the Cult of SLAGATHOR are known as the Argyle Pillars, which detail the life and teachings of a God named SLAGATHOR.

Core Tennants
The central premise of the Cult is that the highest perfection is understanding the universe, and that knowledge can only be sought by one who truly understands thought itself. Thought functions through the division of the universe into various structures or metaphors, which need to be understood as artificial and flawed creations. They can assist understanding, but they can also hinder it, in which cases they should be rejected.

The classic examples given of structures that hinder understanding are gender, race, and divisions between atrificiality and naturalism.

The Pillar of Day
It began in the land of the sky’s frozen tears, shrouded by trees that bled sweet sugar. At the base of an ancient mountain, seven children ran with scissors. And between this and that they looked at each other and said, “Let us make a God!” and laughed and their brilliant blasphemy.

The act of creation is birthed from the demi-destruction of self. If you do not feel half dead by the time you are finished, than nothing has been created. The New God was no exception. The seven ran with scissors and cut a bolt of cloth from labor and near-swamp. They wrapped it up for the toy maker whose five-step construction was paid for in patience. False skin filled with blood-heritage. And the seven brought with them hearts to contribute.

Three hearts were red, blood and fire. Rage given ink to write with. By these three, the New God would remember passion.

Four hearts were plaid, crisscross and intersection. A reminder of long-dead wishes and the constancy of change. By these four, the New God would remember righteousness.

The Pillar of Dusk
The first wisdom is truth. The second wisdom is that I cannot give it to you. You must find it on your own. Truth is there. It always was there, and always will be there. Turn the Truth on its side. Turn it in your hands. Feel it, examine it, pull it apart with tweezers and unpronounceable words. Truth is and always was there. Truth will always be there. The great I-Know-It-Or-Not. Truth remains.

The third wisdom is that truth is impossible. Oh my child my maker, you can never turn Truth on its side. You can never turn it in your hands. You can never feel it, examine it, or pull it apart with tweezers and unpronounceable words. You will find Tantalus in your mirror. You will find dust where you grasp. The Unknowable Always. The Utopia, the Not-Place.

Seek it out. Grasp it. Ever will you fail. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better.

They girded themselves with a marriage of Enki and Inanna, and found their tongues. SCIENTIA CLAVIS EST! SCIENTIA ARMA EST!

The Pillar of Night
...And where the seven had hoped to find The Bear, was left but a simple message, written in ink still wet: "All Politicians Lie."